Tension

The way that I am wired, I don't feel at rest unless i've gotten something done. Outstanding tasks wear on me. One of the most tiring things I've found at work are soft deadlines, which often means it is unclear when tasks end. This drives me crazy because I want to identify what I have to do, know when it is due, and prioritize it accordingly. I also really like to make lists and check off all the things I have done and have an idea of what is yet to be done.

The problem becomes when I try to apply this approach to life and cultivating faith. I can certainly identify things I need to work on, but it isn't comprehensive. There is also no way of figuring out when I can get over a certain issue or struggle. The problem is that I know where I want to end up, but I really don't know exactly where I am. This makes mapping a solution impossible. It makes prioritizing hard. But living in tension of being someone who has not achieved "the goal" is part of being a Christian. When we look at ourselves with honest eyes, we all realize that we have not yet arrived to where we need to be. This is where I find myself at the end of my own strength.

Yet in this tension is where God meets me and points to the cross showing that my efforts will never be enough, but to keep striving, past my own strength and instead on his strength.